Crash of the Titan

Why must Hollywood keep crushing my childhood memories by remaking classic movies into steaming piles of shit. Clash of the Titans was a epic week of slacking in middle school. 7 hours of avoiding work, lectures, and being able to have snacks in class. Awww and there was a girl. Even back then I was the secret hook up guy that no girl want anyone to know there were hooking up. It was one of my better school memories. As with the rest of my life the older I get the more things change and the more people crap on my childhood. Stop remaking classic. Star Wars Runined. G.I. Joe kiss Them good bye, Garfield was an abomination of man and country. Now this. Even Terminator Salvation and following TV series time travel can not save. Can I get a win here people. What's next Voltron ? Tron? A-Team?. Alf? Yes, Hollywood is going for the Knock Out blow. Next they will make a Zelda movie and destroy the last shreds of my childhood. They already took Mario Brothers from me and the Ninja Turtles.

What the Fuck is wrong with people in Hollywood. You cannot  recreate and capture a virgin raw original idea that was epic at the time it was conceived and relative the moment. What was great about that one moment in time is how it changed you life and related to the events at the time. Madonna will never be as good as she was when she was the material good. She gets close but will never be the original. Just like Prince will never be as good as Purple rain and Stallone will never be as good as John Rambo First Blood or Rocky. I would like to be in one of these cracked out meetings where dip shits are say " You know what we really need to do is make another Scarface. People will line up for miles to see this and lets cast Carlos Mencia to play Tony. Well have Michael Bay direct it and lets get the writers from Top Gun to hammer out a script. Epic 100 million box office on open weekend. Lets just Fuck the American people out of 14 bucks by making it 3-D as well. " Well old ass crust Asshole Holly Weird society  Fuck you right back.

As for the movie it moved rather quick and the action scenes were average at best. Medusa look like the snake from Anaconda and I'm glad it can still find rolls in the tight economy because we know the world dose not need Anaconda 7. The dude that I called Chewback the black magain pile of twigs was cool in the effect department but I figured when he pushed his Energon Cube into his chest he should of blown that snake to all hell. Also the climax to the move of defeating the Cracken was lame. Hey buddy look into the eyes for your ex-girlfriend and you turn to stone. Doesn't that happen in real life usually? I'm just saying. And no R2-d2 owl. The owl was the best part. "just leave that here we don't need it." the owl would of save half of your asses. I'm also glad to see Hades is still smoking Heroine and looks like Gerard Way via the Three Cheers from Sweet Revenge album. Flash back off Gerard on a booze and coke bender. Good times. I wonder if Hades found his precious.

The only 4 saving points of the movie.
1. Drunklando and I talk shit and made jokes threw out the whole flick. I'm sure we would of pissed every one else off in the movie theater if it wasn't such a pile of crap. We made sure people were entertained. Imagine Science Mystery Theater 3000 status.
2. Alexa Davalos as Andromeda was blazing hot with her lazy eye and lazy boob. I now remember why toga party's are always, always a great idea plus she was immortal which is nice. Also when pops give you a chick for saving the world you know your getting laid.
3. The Persian hunters were hilarious. the whole movie I was thinking " Tango Sukka". If you gamer you'll get that joke (MW2).
4. The Expandable trailer 2 words "HOLY SHIT".

Save your money spend your dollar at Red Box. Unless you need to see it in 3D then realize Avatar takes this movie out to the back 40 and puts it down with a .45 cal bullet like a sick Pegasus.