The Stripper vs. The Bled

Last Night, unlike most nights I had plans. I don't make any plans on a daily basis except to have an occasional cocktail, clear out my HULU, and murder innocence bystanders on Xbox Live. Current game is MW2. My night was going to consist of going to The Hustler Club in Westminster, Ca and supporting the local chapter of single mothers and meth addicts. I do my part to keep my part to donate to such community out reach programs. It has been a good year since I have been to the Huss which was a weekly standard in my life when Me and Bonkers use to support the Local Redlands Chapter of this fine charity. I made plans with my current roommate and some of the aspiring adult female entertainers that work at the local watering hole next to my house. Lets be honest Bikini Bars are strip clubs with out nipples and lap dances. So my plans were set last week and on my way home from work I get a phone call from none other than Drunklando my best friendnemy.

" Dude The Bled are playing Chain Reaction tonight....In 30 minutes... can we get tickets? I'm leaving the desert now I'll be there in an hour". What the fuck? The Bled. Bash at the Beach Bled? Arizona's finest who use to play bash at the beach, get shit faced drink and shit on shit The Bled. James and Rossmosis? I have plans. I just got done working with fiberglass for 8 hours, I'm tired and all I want to do is make excuses why I can't go on short notice. I come up with an answer as my mind is internally fighting with the possibility of seeing titties, try to get these to girls back to my house to bone, and finally get my dick rolled after a touch of a dry spell versus a Bromance date.
The fight rages on in my mind for well over 5 minutes and in my life that 5 hours to a mortal. The caculating the probabilities on how the outcome of my night would be determined by the next word I utter out of my mouth. After careful consideration I decide fuck it I'll do both. The Huss and Chain are 10 minutes apart. I'll go get my buzz on kill some tacos and go watch The Bled. Tonight we rage in hell. Will tonight be one of the classic nights were we're up thrashing so poor kids house of hotel til 5 am like back in the day. Will there be any chicks to sink my teeth in to and corrupt while she is riding the sexual adrenaline rush of the Bled? Will I wake up in a place I have never seen with 6 dudes passed out in a room with some on pissing in the corner? Will it be as good as it was from back in the days. Will it be Bash at the Beach status?

So as my hopes race and excitations rises I get home to a roommate ready to go out for a night or pre planned debauchery. "The girls will meet us there" normally means they canceled. They did. We get to the Huss and there is no seating so we stand near the wall as the local talent starts to heat up on stage. This Dancer I will on make reference to as Brandon Lee daughter who like to work out alot, was more Chiseled than most of the guys there, and look like she cuts her victims up during sex took the stage. I would of been in love but she was more butch than Ellen D in combat boots and a lumberjack flannel. I order my bud lights got my buzz on and left @ 10 to get to Chain for The Bled.

The Bled killed it. I was heartbroken my one time Drunk Jack Daniels Lover Ross was no longer in the band. Jeremy still shreads on the Schecter Guitar. They add a key board player? Not the whiskey drinking band I remember with a new drummer that look like a modern day Judith. The songs still make me want to jump of a stage and destroy the 100 pound emo kids like a nuclear bomb dropped on Hiroshima, but thankfully Jeepers Creepers did that for me. 6 times. Drunklando snapped photos and I was Stage Right head banging to the classics like Dale Earnhardt. Passion for there music still burns in my loins and makes me fell young and in love with a special girl and brings back the summer of 2004. Only think missing was Brent Vann, Homer, Frog, Papa Denny, BJ, Lonnie project and Breakdance Vietnam. I miss BDV more after this show and the memories of better day. BDV were to this point the best days of my life. Tthe 5 year party that never ended and I was lucky enough to have a stage view of.

James still remember me by name. Shot the shit for a second. Said hi to some old friends and departed into the night. One of the best live acts you can see. Buy there album and get to a show. Your children you will make after seeing this show will be more intelligent for it. Stalk them on twitter cause James in very entertaining. My night was amazing to this point but was it over?

No it was going to get better. I headed back to my The Huss after their set and arrived around 11:30. Paid my 5 bucks again to get back in and had a cold beer waiting for me. My roommate at this point had 8 Jack and Cokes and a few lap dances. I focus my attention to the stage and make eye contact with this nice looking french emo-curious brunette. As she works the pole with the grace of an ice dancer with a look of a gypsy, I choose to sip my beer and enjoy her show. As she exits the stage with no more the 10 dollars in tips she make he slender way towards me in the crowd. I am in the back at a table by myself closing my tab planning my depart into the darkness of the night when she approaches me. Like a bullet threw Kevlar she leans over with her warm lips and kisses me.

The balls on this bitch. Your a stripper hot and sweaty smelling like the current bed bath and beyond whore spray and put her std infested lips on my. All I could think is I need tetanus shot and a mint because my breath was kicking a little. I open my mouth with the rage of curiosity about to blast this bitch and a thank you comes out. I must be drunk. I small talk with her for a second with my verbal back handed complements and she is unphased. She ask me if I would like a dance and I say no. " I don't pay for play sweetheart. Your hustle might work on the average looser that comes in her to get sloppy drunk with aspirations to get laid but I rather keep my 20 bucks and go jack off to You Porn when I get home. " Her response was " Well I'm off and all I need is a shower and to jack off myself. I don't like what I do I just do it for the money and most guy never resist my charm. Your different would you like to maybe come over and talk or play some Xbox or watch a movie ? I live in Hunntington." My counter follows " What game? I have to work early but a) your not going to call. b) thanks for being nice to a fat fuck like me but I got to work tomorrow and I don't know you. Your proablly going to rob me and then I will have to kill you. " Her Counter point " MW2 and don't be a pussy. Your afraid of a girl? let me guess your gay? "
So the negotiations goes on for about 10 minutes and I give her my number and leave. 15 min later she calls " I'll be home in 5". I get her address and swing by my house and grab my Glock 23c because if this bitch is going jack this mother fucker, I'm going out in a hail of bullets. I show up play some MW2 co-op for about an hour or so and having a good time. She is in her PJ's a far different cry from the Whore spray state of 2 hour before. She shows me her bedroom and we close the door and play a different game til about 5am when we both are exhausted and dose off to sleep. I awake in the morning late for work and let myself out. I left her a message oh her Xbox live when I got home. The future is unclear if I will ever see that stripper again. Yes I wrapped my tool. The ball is in her court and I kept my money in my pocket. She was a sweetheart from France. I hope one day I don't have to put a bullet in her head for being a terrorist like From Paris with Love.